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The Clone Wars
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (not to be confused with The Clone Wars, The Clone Clone Wars, Star Wars: How come George Lucas is obsessed with the Clone Wars, Star Wars The Clone Wars, Star Wars/Clone Wars, Fail, or The Star Clone Wars Wars) is an animated television series not created by Seth MacFarlane. It takes place during the Clone Wars, as the title implies. In reality, this show is utterly fail. Would have been better, but we can all blame Ahsoka Tano for this Star Wars tragedy. Summary ''The Clone Wars'' (film) Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker participate in a battle for some reason. The Separatist commander, a runt Whiphid, orders a retreat, presumably to buy himself time to establish his character. Obi-Wan makes a snide comment about getting a new Padawan, apparently forgetting that Anakin isn't his Padawan anymore. Any who, George Lucas God then introduced what fanboys, fangirls, and every Star Wars fan hates...Ahsoka Tano, whose true name is No Soup-a With-a Buffet. Anakin and No Soup-a truly made everyone's day. The fucking Mary Sue and the crybaby went to go save Jabba the Hutt's "son" Rotta and blah, blah, blah. Asajj Ventress then tries to stop the bitchy pair but no, No Soup-a is too much of a Mary Sue to get hurt. It was revealed that Jabba had a gay nephew who had relations with many droids. Count Dookie and the crybaby fight on Tatooine, which made no fucking sense, while the Mary Sue goes and fights four MagnaGuards that had glowing vibrators as weapons. She wins of course... Well then the frog, Obi-Wan, the crybaby and the Mary Sue have a happy ending. Oh yeah, and Obi-Wan and that one seppy commander enjoy a cup of tea during the beginning battle. XD ''Ambush'' The Frog Jedi Master Yoda and three clone troopers go to a random planet to talk about stuff while doing pot with a bunch of flying trash bags. But Asajj Ventress shows up and makes them watch her shave all her hair off again. Then she steals their pot, so they gang up on her and she runs away. ''Rising Malevolence'' General Lee Grievous and Count Dookie decided to be all badass, so they made some massive Star Destroyer type thing, complete with a built-in cheap rip off of the PWN superlaser...Some guy in a mask went after the Star Destroyer, named the "Male violence"...I don't know, go ask Georgy... He failed miserably, only to attract the attention of his once sex partner, No-Soup-a With-a buffet. The Crybaby and No-soup-a rescued that guy and a group of horny clones. ''Shadow of Malevolence'' So the Crybaby, No-Soup-a, and that one dude in the mask decided to go after that massive Star Destroyer, "Male violence", again... Some Y-Wings, Ahsoka's bitchiness, some explosions, some cheap rip off dialogue from A New Hope, One horny clone medic that is a attracted to a long neck Kaminoan—completed this fail episode. ''Destroy Malevolence'' Not long after, possibly not even a minute, after the so-called "events" after Shadow of Male violence, bitchy Ahsoka decided it would be best for the entire episode if she shut her fat orange face up while the Crybaby, the man with the beard, Goldenrod, and that one pudgy droid go into the Male violence and rescue sexy Panda bear from Grievous. Then, after the Mary Sues of the Republic left the Male violence, those fucking retarded droids crashed the ship on some moon. ''Rookies'' One day, Bad Mother Fracker Commander Cody and that weird, horny white haired clone decided to crash some party on the moon of Rishii. Once they got their, some PWN droids blew up their ship. They escaped, of course, and joined some group of "shinnies"—sexually abused clone troopers. While the Uber PWN droids took over their pad, that white haired clone decided to be all badass and shit, and destroyed some of those droids. Blah, blah, some explosions, and then.. some chunky clone decided to become a suicide bomber. He blows up the pad, the droids, himself, and then...Fuck, party's over.. ''Downfall of a Droid'' So Annie the Crybaby and No-soup-a participated in this funny looking, cheap rip off battle that resembled that badass asteroid chase scene from The Empire Strikes Back. Turns out, General Lee Grievous became a pussy, so he fled from his Star Destroyer groupies. The Crybaby chased him, but failed.. Also, that one pudgy droid got lost. So they replaced him with another pudgy droid. Annie cried some more, which happened to be the main story of the episode...unfortunately. However, it is revealed that Annie does it with Ahsoka. He calls her "yummy yum pookums" in front of some fat guy. Wait! Does this make any sense to any of you? No? Congrats. So then, R2-D2 "Pudgy droid" attracts the attention of General Lee Grievous, and his horny droid sensors just kicked in. ''Duel of the Droids'' George Lucas decided to piss everyone off by letting the ultimate Mary Sue fight Grievous…Turns out, of course, she wins...She severs Grievous' hand...The crybaby found his secret lover, that pudgy droid, and that's it. That white haired clone also confessed that he will never do it with a droid again. Oh yeah, before Ahsoka reveals that she is the ultimate Mary Sue character, Grievous PWNS some fat guy. ''Bombad Jedi'' Pandabear gets kidnapped AGAIN, this time by a Nute Gunray, the Asian tadpole thingy. Goldenrod whines a bit, and Jar Jar Binks of all people goes to rescue her. Seriously JAR JAR. Padmé breaks herself out, gets surrounded by droids, and gets saved by a monster that Jar Jar flirts with. Gunray gets captured in the end. Oh, and there's something about Padmé having a Rodian uncle or something. Hopefully this the last of Jar Jar. ''Cloak of Darkness'' The crybaby needed alone time with his Panda Bear, so he sent the bitchy No Soup-a to that one ugly green skinned nun Jedi, "Luminous Undies", because the two were meant to be. On board her big deluxe yacht, the two were constantly doing it right in front of that one dude who got captured...Nute Raygun. They sent videos of themselves through the HoloNet, which made Britney Ventress very jealous. The bald-headed bitch snuck on her yacht and was verrry horny. Ahsoka and Luminous engaged Baldy with their ultimate weapons. Turns out that Baldy gave up the fight and wanted to have relations with Gunray. She stole Gunray and left soon after she destroyed Luminous's yacht er...planet. ''Lair of Grievous'' One sunny afternoon, that green wormhead Kit Fisto and some fish decided to drop by General Lee Grievous' house. Their glorious adventure turns out to be yet another fail episode. However, that fish got PWN3D and Fisto got raped by Grievous :D ''Dooku Captured'' So, it all beings after we see the horny No-Soup-a and that white haired clone on some Star Destroyer. The crybaby was captured before the episode, and to actually understand what the fuck is going on, George Lucas forced everyone to go on the crappy StarWars.com to read that stupid little fucking flash online comic... After you're done reading, if you read it, the man with the beard saves his ass, then steals one of Dookie's ships, chases Dookie in space, blows Dookie's ship and all of them crash into some planet. Blah, Blah, Blah, more blah, some Gundarks, and eventually... Ahsoka saves the day.. :| The Crybaby and Obi-Wan then rape her before setting out to find Count Dookie, who managed to leave the planet with his homeboy pirate friends. ''The Gungan General'' Jar Jar returns, this time with a group of horny clones. But wait! George Lucas made a HUGE change! Either Ahmed Best (That one dude who voices JarJarJar) was high that day or, seriously Jar Jar was on crack because his voice was terrible. Way to go Lucas! Anyway, the crybaby, Obi-1, and Dookie became buddies when some Weequays captured them. Turns out that the dudes only wanted some weed from the Republic then they will release them. Blah, freaking Blah, the episode ended. Also, NO AHSOKA IN THE EPISODE!!! YEAH!! Erm. ''Jedi Crash'' One day Anakin got extremely horny, and decided to go knock Aayla Secura whenever he can't do the same shit to Padmé. He soon got himself into a fight with a bunch of droids over the sexy Twi'lek above some random planet that no one gives a damn about. Eventually, they escaped, with only Annie's cock broken by a super battle droid. They've soon crash landed on Madagascar. After loosing their ships medical station, Aayla kicks Anakin into a tent to be safe and takes of bunch of clones to find some cure for his broken dick. Along the way No soup becomes jealous of how Aayla becomes so attractive to Anakin that they start a make out fight, with Aayla the winner. On the way, a bunch of animals came and killed all the clone troopers, except for Commander Bly, apparently because his flashy yellow armor doesn't strike out more than the white armored clone troopers do. They soon come across a village populated by a clan of Irish lemurs. The village chief refuses to give Aayla a cure unless she can pre-order him tickets for Terminator Salvation which isn't even out yet. After the pissed off Twi'lek burned a huge ass hole in her pocket, the chief successfully healed Anakin so he bang more chicks. But that'll have to wait. ''Defenders of Peace'' Just when Anakin and Aayla are about to Do it., a Separatist cruiser enters orbit to test out this wacked out cannon on those annoying lemurs. Their commander, a deformed Darth Fat Guy. Anakin was all like "Fuck it." and stole the fat mans private shuttle just to regroup with his homies. The lemurs were soon wiped out in a matter of seconds and their babies were shipped as lunch for the Neimoidians and all the other organics enlisted in the CIS. ''Trespass'' One day Annie, the beard (Not Kyle Katarn) man joined two hippies on some snow world. (Not Hoth). To replace Ahsoka, thank god, Lucas introduced this hot looking blue skinned girl who was a senator. While I wasn't paying enough attention to her, my little eye saw some dude, who was obsessed with himself. the idiot began a war with a group of hairy (Not Wookiees) species called the Talls. That dude, and that horny, white haired clone went and fought that douchebag war while Annie and Obi-Wan were constantly doing it with Chuchi. Because Ahsoka wasn't good enough. After fighting that war, that dude got PWNED and fucking Mary Sue Rex only got "a scratch". Annie and Obi-Wan said there dearest good-byes to sexy Chuchi and hoped (I hoped too :D) that they'll see her again in this god forsaken series. ''the Hidden Enemy'' Before the events of the crappy film. Before Ahsoka was introduced, also known as the better age of Star Wars. Began a prequel, "a term" which is most favored by George Lucas. On the planet of Christopher, Annie and Obi-Wan were fighting in some random battle. Just when you thought the episode couldn't be any stupider, one Bad Mother Fracker PWN clone named "Slick" betrayed the Mary Sue Republic and married Baldy, a.k.a. Britney. That awesome clone named Cody and that douchebag white haired clone fought Slick because the clone stole Rex's white hair dye. Later, the most retarded thing happened... the crybaby and Obi-Wan returned after their "little adventure" with Baldy and arrested slick for being a complete dick. What happened next? Go watch the crappy movie and find out. Don't know what movie it is? If you see some annoying orange skinned slut, then congratulations, you're victorious. ''Blue Shadow Virus'' One magnificent day, some highly crack addict named "Dr. Vindi" started some blue virus. The Ultimate Mary Sues of the Republic—Uh, the crybaby, Obi-Wan, orangy, that white haired clone—went to save sexy Panda Bear and Jar Jar inside Vindi's crack den. So when everything goes smoothly for the Mary Sues, Vindi went all badass and shit and decided to activate a virus bomb and....Nope. The Mary Sues deactivated it. Tragically giving the Mary Sues, yet, another win... ''Mystery of a Thousand Moons'' This episode made no freaking sense to me. Turns out that George Lucas and his followers don't know what a virus is. How can there be a cure for a virus? WTF? Oh and "antidote" cannot cure a fucking virus dumb fucks, that's for poison. Also, WHY WON'T AHSOKA DIE?!?!?! She fainted and magically the douchebag white haired clone "saved her from falling." Pssh. Not to mention the pointless story in Iego, or that huge plot hole at the end when everyone got out of Vindi's crack den, and yet in the episode they said they cannot leave because the virus will leak out in Naboo but they did it anyway. Ugghh.. ''Storm Over Ryloth'' ''Innocents of Ryloth'' ''Liberty on Ryloth'' ''Hostage Crisis'' Since Dooku misses his heterosexually challenged slug (That purple dipshit from the movie that looks like Jabba), he sends in Cryptosporidium-137 along with a few bounty hunters to get the Destroy all humans franchise back on track molest some senators till Palpatine decides to release the fat ass. Too bad Anakin's jacking off Padmé once again! After her "adventure", sexy ass retreats to the senate lobby to discuss about some bill with the senate. Bane then holds the senators hostage till the slime ball crawls out of prison. I could describe this shit bomb in greater detail but I think you all know the scope- Anakin saves senators but Crypto Cad Bane escapes with his shit. Now come to think of it, after seeing Donald Duck and the return of Jabba's uncle, I just feel like crapping my own balls out my dick! That means I really hate to see what Season 2 has in stock. Damn... Lucas I thought you were a kickass guy! ''Holocron Heist'' Soon after season one ended, that blue douchebag Cad Bean decided to go badass and shit. He wanted to steal a Jedi's "holocron," which contained the galaxy's most watched porn videos. Seriously. Erm, anyway.. so while Cad went to the Jedi Temple, his pedo crush, Ahsoka, was in the temple at the time. Just when things got worse for the viewers (if anyone was actually watching this crap), Ahsoka fought and won a duel with a old lady, because the bitch told her to put some more clothes on for god sakes. Blah, blah, Bane stole the porn holocron, and escaped before Bad Mother Fracker Mace Windu came. The bald guy then sent crybaby Annie and Ahsoka to stop Bane. lolz ''Cargo of Doom'' Mannequin Crybaby and his Mary-Sue apprentice have to protect the holocron that Bane is after. After a "badass" moment that shows how much Cad Bane isn't quite as badass as Boba Fett, Anakin gives Bane the holocron in order to save No Soup-a's life. Yeah. I would have kept the holocron and let Ahsoka die if I were him. It's a win-win situation. ''Children of the Force'' It turns out that the reason that Bane wanted the holocron was in order to find all sorts of Jedi younglings and molest them, with some help from his friend Herbert the Pervert. Of course, our whiny Jedi heroes—the crybaby, orangy, Obi-Wan, and the Bad Mother Fracker—have to stop him, and they succeed. Yay... ''Senate Spy'' In the beginning, the crybaby and sexy Panda bear engaged in a little fun, before the morons at the Jedi Council sent the two to Cato Neimoidia. Some horny senator was drooling over Panda bear the entire episode, as well as, a Neimoidian and Geonosian. Unfortunately, Dave Failoni cut the gang bang scene out completely. What a sherbert. ''Landing at Point Rain'' ''Weapons Factory'' ''Legacy of Terror'' ''Brain Invaders'' ''Grievous Intrigue'' ''The Deserter'' ''Lightsaber Lost'' The Mandalore Plot Obi-Wan Kenobi laid the sucky duchess of the so-called "Mandalorians". And fought the real MANDALORIANS who weren't sucky pacifists. Satine stated that Jango Fett wasn't a Mando himself, thus making her the prime target of Fandalorians everywhere. ''Voyage of Temptation'' ''Duchess of Mandalore'' While on a trip to Coruscant, a Fandalorian attempts to silence the crazy bitch once and for all. Unfortunatly (for the Star Wars Universe) the assassin is a crap shot and ends up accidently shooting the Ice Cream Guy instead. Knobbli Bent'Wobbli goes after the Fandalorian and after a vicious teabagging, the villain is revealed to be Karen Traviss who blows herself up with a cry of "Re'turcye mhi adenn Manda'yaim!" in Mandalorian (the translation for this gibberish is something like "Oh no! I eat potty and piss on squirrels!". The Senate decide not to take over Mandalore in the end. Mandalore is then assploded by Grievous the next day. ''Senate Murders'' ''Cat and Mouse'' ''Bounty Hunters'' Category:Cartoons Category:Completely useless crap that people seem to think is awesome, cool, and useful Category:Crap Category:Epic Fail Category:Failures Category:Movies Category:Nonsense Category:Propaganda Category:Rape Category:Reasons you are an asshole Category:Scary things Category:Things that didn't work Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever Category:Ways to die Category:Ways to find out what kind of idiot you are Category:Words of Doom Category:WTF